Chapter 5
Who’s in Control?
Although my relationship with God didn’t start with fireworks, it wasn’t long before he began to show me things in my life that mattered to him. One of the first items of business involved a situation with my best friend. I was enjoying my college days, soaking up the widening circle of experiences, classes, opportunities, and friendships. It was a wonderful time for me and a much larger arena in which to grow than my beloved Leesburg. I pored over my studies, laughed with fellow students, and practiced, practiced, practiced on the saxophone.
During my sophomore year, I met another student — I’ll call her Nancy — and we became instant friends. Killer tests and imminent papers, exhilarating performances and disastrous concertos, dining hall fiascoes and fraternity fellows — we talked and laughed together like sisters, with mutual respect and admiration. Nancy had even made a commitment to God, and that was a positive thing to me. College was proving to be a wonderful experience. I had a friend, and life was good.
One day Nancy visited and mentioned some plans she was making. On the surface they sounded all right, but I saw the possibility of her getting into some real trouble. She dismissed my warning, protesting that there was no real danger and that she would be fine. I wondered how she could be so naive, and I tried again to warn her of possible unhappy consequences. She assured me that I was worrying unnecessarily and headed out the door.
Before long, a pattern began to emerge and with it a crumbling feeling within me. Things changed, and I began to see less and less of Nancy. It was only later, when I felt that she might be involved in situations over her head, that I decided to talk to a trusted friend, a Christian counselor, about her. I just wasn’t prepared for how this counselor was going to respond.
“Sue,” she said, “I really hate to be the one to break this to you, but Nancy is involved in what you suspected. Others have told some of us about it. It’s not your imagination, and she isn’t as naive as she seems. She knows what she’s doing. I’m sorry.”
My head was spinning. How could this be? I thought I had some judgment about people and what they were like. I had been so happy to have such a great friend, and now this! I felt sick — worse than sick. I had been betrayed, all the time thinking that she was the naive one. What about all our talks? What about all our jokes and secrets?
And,what about her commitment to God? Where was it? I thought she was serious about serving him, but this was so obviously against his word. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. My heart ached. Finally, I confronted her with what I had discovered and asked her to tell me the truth. Unfortunately, she denied everything. But by that time, I knew otherwise.
Now what was I to do? Here my friend was claiming to be a Christian, yet she was involved in behavior forbidden to Christians. God’s word was clear. It wasn’t that she had lied to me. It was that she’d taken a wrong turn, and I was beginning to feel helpless to show her the seriousness of it. I think, too, that God in my heart had made me more sensitive to what he feels, what hurts him, what pleases him. He tells us that his Spirit comes to live in us when we give our lives to him, and to a certain extent, I think I was feeling what he was feeling.
More time went by, and things did not improve. Nancy continued her pattern of behavior, and I continued to worry. The tension between us grew, for while we were struggling through all of this, we were still friends. What had been a great situation had become one of stress and perfunctory conversation. Life was changing.
Finally, I made an appointment to see my Campus Crusade for Christ Counselor. I knew that I wasn’t helping things, and I really needed counsel. In an effort to try again, I asked my counselor to talk to Nancy. Maybe she’d listen to someone besides me. Maybe my counselor would find the right words and help us both out of this pit.
But that wasn’t to be. Nancy listened to the counselor and then responded in her own way. She cut me off. She rejected me and pulled away from what was left of our friendship. I was stonewalled. From best friend to excommunicated, all in a matter of months — the effect on me was devastating. I had never been in this kind of situation. I lost weight. My grades dropped. My great college days took on a different feel. I felt like a dark cloud was over me.
“Even my best friend has turned against me — a friend I completely trusted; how often we ate together.”
—Psalm 41:9 (NIV)
I saw Nancy on campus a number of times and tried to reconcile our friendship, but to no avail. It just was not to be. Finally, distraught and depressed, I sought help from the Lord through the same Campus Crusade counselor. Her advice to me was shocking.
“Sue,” she said, “you are being torn apart by this negative relationship with Nancy. Let it go. According to 2 Thessalonians 3:6, we are to keep away from every brother who walks disorderly in the kingdom of God. This doesn’t mean that you withdraw your love, but it means that you must confront her with her inappropriate action and let her know that you must withdraw your relationship with her.”
I was appalled! I never thought that a Christian person would give advice like this. How unloving! How impossible! Withdraw a friendship? Never! I would always be her friend, no matter how she acted. That was how it was — or so I protested. But in my heart, deep inside, I knew this counselor was right. Knowing and doing are two different things. And I knew I couldn’t do this. Not now.
School was out for the summer, and I was relieved at the change of pace. Although I continued to live in the dorm and attend summer school, my responsibilities took a new turn. The college held a piano camp for younger students, and fifteen of these girls were my charges during this time. We gathered in the evenings and visited, chitchatting about the day’s events and generally enjoying “girl talk.”
During one of these nightly sessions, a couple of the girls noticed that I was feeling rather low. Observing my mood, they began to ask questions.
“Sue, you seem kinda down tonight. What’s the matter?”
I responded, “It’s not anything I want to talk about in any detail. I’m just hurting over a relationship with a friend.”
Gently, one of the girls offered, “Well, Sue, I don’t want to offend you, but when I get really low, I take my problems to the Lord, and he always helps me.”
What happened next is amazing. At that instant, the Lord physically touched me, and it felt like warm oil was being poured all over my body. Strength and hope poured into me, and I knew that God had visited me and was giving me the power to confront Nancy. Now I knew what I had to do, and with God’s help, I would obey this time.
Shortly thereafter, the appointment with Nancy was made, and I was approaching her apartment. My feet stepped heavily, one in front of the other. I told the Lord that I felt like my heart would break. It had come to this moment, and as much as I’d fought with the whole idea, I knew that I was where I needed to be. Even though God had changed my heart to want to obey him, it was still a formidable task to follow through. I told God “I’ll be crushed when this is over.”
Nancy opened the door, and I went in. We talked, and I told her that as much as I cared about her, I knew I had to withdraw from my friendship with her. What she was doing was wrong, and she had decided to continue it. That being the case, I had no other choice. It was a hard thing for me to do, and Nancy knew it. As difficult as it was, we both cried together and said our good-byes.
When I was approaching Nancy’s apartment, I thought my heart would break at this encounter. But God had strengthened me and directed me. I had obeyed. In my wildest dreams, I wouldn’t have guessed what came next. As I walked away and the door shut, the weight and burden of that whole relationship — all the pain and frustration of the previous months — just fell off my shoulders. Immediately, I felt like a bird — I was free! God had helped me. He had truly entered my life and touched me with his supernatural power. Yes, my life was changing. And I knew there was a lot more to come.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.”
—Proverbs 3: 5-6